Team 'Stop Making Terrible Adaptations of Good Books' 2KForever

Long time, no see. I know, I'm possibly the worst blogger of all time, but life gets in the way of things. However, I've come back on very important business.

The first trailer for The Scorch Trials movie was just released and boy, am I unimpressed. LITERALLY NOTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THE TRAILER HAPPENS IN THE BOOK. NOTHING. I'M SO ANGRY. Yes, that caps lock was completely necessary. It looks like they did the exact same thing they did with The Maze Runner, which is to say that they COMPLETELY IGNORED THE SOURCE MATERIAL. I just... I don't understand why this keeps happening. Just do it right. Is that so hard? There is literally an instruction manual for how that movie is supposed to go, it's called the fucking book. I don't understand. I... don't... understand...

If you haven't seen it yet, watch it. It's terrible and I'm very angry about it. I mean, I'm still going to see the movie, but just to make sure it's terrible. My hopes are coming in around the floor, but I still have a feeling they are going to be too high.

As for the rest of our business, I'm trying to start up making posts again. I still haven't read House of Leaves yet. I've read the beginning, I just need to get motivated again. I'll do it, I promise. I'm not going to provide a timeline, though. We all know how that works out.

Until Next Time, Happy Reading.

We All Saw This Coming

I ran out of time. I did the reading, but got too engrossed to stop. In that regard, there won't be a post about House of Leaves today because I now have to go to my real job that pays real money. I mean, if someone wanted to pay me to write for this site, I would literally jump at the opportunity. As that has yet to happen, this is the way the cookie crumbles. I will attempt to have a post up and running possibly Tuesday, probably Wednesday.

Thank you for understanding that a girl must eat before she can have fun.

Until Next Time, Happy Reading.

Finally Back and Ready to Comit

Hi! Long time, no see. How are things? I know I did this not to long ago, but then I sorta checked out again. Working six days a week, plus a variable writing job, and pretending I have a social life is hard work. On the up-shoot, I have started reading House of Leaves and will be posting about it on Sunday. Yes, you read that correctly. Sunday! SUNDAY! If I type it enough times it will happen.

So far, House of Leaves is great. I've only read the prologue and it's wonderful. I hope to read the first couple of chapters before Sunday.

If you don't know anything about House of Leaves, I encourage you to read a bit about it. Like, for instance, what I'm about to write here. The story focuses on a family who moves into a house that is

I have returned to the world of the readers.

bigger on the inside. Cue Doctor Who reference here. But that's not why this book has such a cult following. This book is neat because of the way it is structured. If you are anywhere near a bookstore, pick up a copy and flip through it. It's madness. The story isn't structured like a typical book. I don't really know how to describe it, you just have to see it for yourself. I'll include pictures of pages that are ultra cool or just plain nonsense. Seeing as I haven't actually read the book yet, that's all I can say for now. I don't want to research it a ruin it. So I'll just leave it here.

Until Sunday, Happy Reading.

A Suggestion for Moving Forward

What's up, kidlets? Long time no post. How are things? How's your family? What have you been up to? My birthday was great. Got a bunch of new books. Spent three days in Seattle with my fabulous boyfriend. Caught up with some old friends. Walked a lot. It was a whole thing. Vacations are nice and relaxing, aren't they?

With the pleasantries out of the way, it's time to get down to business. I'm going to try to start posting regular updates again this week. Probably Saturdays, possibly Tuesdays. It's hard to say. It will happen when it happens.

Maybe not that excited, but you get the point.

One other thing. I think the reason I've been having such trouble posting updates is because of the reading material. While I do like Jane Eyre, I don't really have that much to say about it. I'm drawing blanks on what to say a lot of the time. It's not a book that is really lending itself to my style of criticism well. I know that's not the point of the book, but that is the point of this blog, so yeah. I was thinking of changing it up a bit. I received House of Leaves for my birthday and I really want to start reading that. I'm really REALLY excited to read that. Anyone who knows me knows that I am rarely that excited about anything. We can revisit Jane later, after all. The good thing about books is that they aren't going anywhere. Unless my house burns down. Quick, someone knock on some wood.

That's the question then. Do you want to put Jane Eyre aside for a while in favor of House of Leaves? Or, would you mind terribly if that's a thing that happens? Let me know in the comments or on Facebook or text or telegraph.

Until Next Time, Happy Reading.

Excuses, Excuses

It really is.

You may have noticed that I haven't been posting lately. You see, I have a shit ton of things to do. I have two paying jobs in addition to this on. I would love to post more on here (as this is my favorite of all my jobs), but those have to take precedent, as they pay my rent, student loans, and grocery bills.  I also would like to at least pretend that I have some semblance of a social life. I know my boyfriend would like that as well. As of right now, this blog is going to be run on an "when I can" basis. When I have time to update, I will. I know that really sucks and is an extremely shitty way to do anything, but that's really my only option. I will try to post something at least once a week, but it's hard to say
when.

I'm going to take at least this week off. I have a bunch of shit I need to get done, plus Friday is my 26th birthday. Next week is a maybe for Saturday, but that's a big maybe. I will TRY to be more regular and post at least SOMETHING (a tiny update, maybe some scattered thoughts on any of the pieces we've read) every week.

I'm really sorry to be such a shitty blogger, but a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do.

Until Next Time, Happy Reading.

Jane Eyre Part 3: Things are Looking Up

I told you I'd be back. And I even read, so there's that. So let's talk about that.

Chapters 6-8

This chapter sees Jane's second day at Lowood. The girls get up and the morning, but are unable to bathe because the water is frozen. It has begun to snow and there is very poor, if any, insulation at the school. You'll find out later that this is by design because the dude who runs the school, Mr. Brocklehurst, is a massive fuckhead. Anyway, school starts with bible study and sermons, breakfast happens and the portions are incredibly small. Jane is freezing, as the school uniform is not adequate at keeping the cold out. Jane becomes a pupil in the fourth class, moving up from the bottom class. The classes are difficult and Jane is unaccustomed to being in this environment. Most of the classes start sewing at the same time, except one. In this lone non-sewing class is the girl Jane spoke with about the book on the porch. All the girls are called by their last names, and the girl's name is Burns. Burns is being singled out by the teacher for being messy and inattentive. However, when it comes to

What the fuck, teacher?

answering questions about their lesson, Burns answers every one. Jane expects her to be praised, but the teacher points out her flaws once again. This school is maybe not the friendliest place. Burns makes no answer to the attack, just takes it in stride. She is sent to the other room to retrieve something. She comes back with a batch of sticks. Her teacher then proceeds to be BEAT HER WITH THE STICKS. What. The. Fuck. Burns doesn't flinch, doesn't cry, doesn't do much of anything. However, when she returns the sticks to the other room, she comes back crying.

Hell Nope

Go Hawks!

Sooo.... How's it going? Everybody have a good week? Everybody feeling good? Great. I just want you to feel appreciated before I act like an ass. No post today, unfortunately. I had a shit ton of things
to do today and I worked something like 55 hours this week, so I didn't find time to do anything other than prepare for the Super Bowl. Seriously, the Big Game takes precedent over all things, especially when my beloved Seattle Seahawks are playing for the second year in a row! I'm so fucking excited!!!!!! All the exclamation points!

Anyway, I'll post Tuesday morning if all goes as planned. I swear to science, this WILL happen.

Until Tuesday, Happy Reading.

Jane Eyre Part 2: Things Get Slightly Better Kinda

I told you I would be back! I bet you though I was lying and/or going to back out, but I'm not. I'm totally here. I know, I'm as surprised as you. Alright, let's get down to business.

Chapters 4-5

These were long chapters so, yes, I'm only doing two.

When we left off, the subject of Jane being sent away for school had been brought up and presumably accepted. In chapter 4, Jane is alone. Like, totally alone. A few months have gone by since the subject of school was approached. No one has spoken to Jane very much since then. Christmas has come and gone and Jane has been rejected and excluded from all of the activities. The other children have been instructed to stay away from her. Jane was given her own room, simply to keep her away from the other kids. This is fucking bleak. I just want to remind you all that Jane is 10 and being actively rejected from the only family she has ever known. Poor thing.

At one point that bastard John Reed attempts to chastise Jane, but she lashes out at him, making him

Jane's not fucking around anymore.

think she's going to fight with him again. He runs to his mommy and she tells him, "Don't talk to me about her, John: I told you not go near her; she is not worthy of notice; I do not choose that either you or your sisters should associate with her." Jane totally hears it, too. What a bitch. Jane claps back at her, saying, "They are not fit to associate with me." You tell 'em, Jane, you little spit fire. Love this girl more and more with ever sentence I read. That is intentional on the part of the author, though that doesn't make it any less wonderful. After Jane's comment, Mrs. Reed pulls Jane into the nursery and forces her to sit on the bed, telling her not to move or speak for the rest of the day. Jane asks her what Master Reed would think of all this, were he still alive. Mrs. Reed is shocked by the question, so Jane keeps going. "My uncle Reed is in heaven, and can see all you do and think; and so can papa and mamma: they know how you shut me up all day long, and how you wish me dead." Holy shit. This little girl has got some chutzpah. Also, if you ever want to know how to use a semicolon, read this book. They are fucking everywhere. Mrs. Reed regains her sensibilities and decides the best course of action is to shack Jane aggressively and box her ears. What the fuck? What an awful human being. I'm glad Jane is being sent away. I don't think she'd survive much longer.

I'm Running out of Pithy Titles

No Jane Eyre today, kids.

I'm not quite positive when the post this week is going to happen. I'm hoping for tomorrow, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. If there is not post tomorrow, then it's going to happen Saturday. I can assure you that there WILL BE A POST THIS WEEK. I just don't know when because I'm busy and also lazy. Okay, see you... sometime? Eventually? Whatever.

Until Next Time, Happy Reading.

Jane Eyre Part One: A How-To Guide for Awful Parenting

Told you I'd be back! It's finally time to start our new reading material: Jane Eyre. This classic novel by Charlotte Bronte (still have no idea how to do the double dot over the e thingy, sorry) was published in 1847 under Charlotte's male pseudonym, Currer Bell. She had to pretend to be a man to get published. What utter bullshit. Anyway, let's get to it.

Chapters 1-3

It's important to note that this book is being told as an autobiography. An older Jane is looking back

Book selfie!

and narrating her life. I'll refer to older Jane as Narrator Jane when it is necessary.

Young Jane is sitting inside on a blustery, stormy day. She is glad of the weather, as she doesn't like to take walks. I can relate. Very slowly, she starts to release information about her life to the reader. There are three other children in the house, to whom she feels inferior. There is Eliza, John, and Georgiana Reed. She lives with them and their mother, Mrs. Reed, who is Jane's aunt.

The other three children are currently seated with their mother, excluding Jane. Mrs. Reed keeps Jane at a distance because she is a sullen child. Mrs Reed wants her to, "acquire a more sociable and childlike disposition, a more attractive and sprightly manner," and until she had done so, "she really must exclude me from privileges intended only for contented, happy, little children." How, exactly is Jane supposed to cheer up if she is excluded? How the fuck is that supposed to work? When Jane asks what she has done to deserve this treatment, Mrs. Reed tells her she doesn't like people who ask questions, especially children who ask questions. She basically tells this little girl to shut up and go away. This is her caretaker, mind you. Also, Jane is 10 and both her parents are dead. Fuck you, lady.

Jane goes to a different room to read a book about birds. She sits in a window seat and pulls the curtains around her to read Bewicks's History of British Birds. She doesn't really care for reading it, she enjoys the pictures of the birds. The illustrations are all of exotic birds in far away places. She first mentions the sea-fowl on their "'solitary rocks and promontories' by them only inhabited." This is a direct reference to Jane herself, who is alone. She is abandoned in a desolate place. Sure there are people around, but they are actively cruel to her, as you will soon see.

Here's the Deal...

I am the asshole.

I may have slightly forgot that I have to work this afternoon at my actual job and then I have to spend late tonight writing articles for my writing job, so I won't be making a Jane Eyre post today. After doing the reading, I simply don't have the time to do a write up. Seriously, these take, like, 2 hours to write (I shit you not). However, as I have a shit ton of time off in the afternoon tomorrow (I don't
have to work until 6), I will be posting tomorrow. Cross my heart and hope to die.


I'll see you all here tomorrow for Jane Eyre. The part I read today was really interesting, so I'm looking forward to writing about it. Which means I actually WILL write about it.

Until Tomorrow, Happy Reading.

The Results Are In...

Hello! I'm back from a rather lengthy break. I intended to post a couple of days ago and then shit happened. I was going to post this morning, but I was a bit hungover and cranky, so I'll post now. Okay? Okay. Here we go. 

Thanks to the exactly two people who voted, Mo Holmes and Cody Niday (both super awesome guys), my next reading material with be... the ellipse builds drama... Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte!

Yay for lady time!

Woo! Exciting! It's lady time. Finally,I'll get to read something for you that will involve women who aren't just set dressing or function solely as the source of manpain. Huzzah!

We will begin Jane Eyre on Tuesday (that's right, Tuesday) of this week. That is January 13, 2015. If I write it down enough times I might actually follow through, right? Right. I need to stop answering my own rhetorical questions. It's really late.

TL;DR: Jane Eyre starts Tuesday. Be here, motherfuckers.

Until Tuesday, Happy Reading.

Poll Time!

This has nothing to do with this post, I just really enjoy it.

Okay, kiddos. I need to know your opinion on a thing. It's a pretty simple thing: What do we read next? I have a couple of different options for you. As I did not receive House Of Leaves for Christmas, we will not be reading that quite yet. Maybe later. What I do have is For Whom the Bell Tolls by Earnest Hemmingway, Shada by Douglas Adams, or Jane Eyre by one of the Brontes. I'm going to go with Charlotte, maybe? Just Googled it and it's totally Charlotte Bronte. Fucking nailed it! Anyway, those are our options at the moment. If anyone would like to drop me a comment to let
me know what YOU would be interested in me reading, I would be forever grateful. I will be taking you opinions for the next couple of days (see how I cleverly got out of actually reading?).

Alright, thanks everybody. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Also, if anyone knows how to do that thing where there are two dots over an e, I would appreciate knowing so that I can actually write Bronte correctly. Google Bronte to know what I'm talking about if you don't already.

Until Next Time, Happy Reading.