Saturday, January 31, 2015

Hell Nope

Go Hawks!
Sooo.... How's it going? Everybody have a good week? Everybody feeling good? Great. I just want you to feel appreciated before I act like an ass. No post today, unfortunately. I had a shit ton of things
to do today and I worked something like 55 hours this week, so I didn't find time to do anything other than prepare for the Super Bowl. Seriously, the Big Game takes precedent over all things, especially when my beloved Seattle Seahawks are playing for the second year in a row! I'm so fucking excited!!!!!! All the exclamation points!

Anyway, I'll post Tuesday morning if all goes as planned. I swear to science, this WILL happen.

Until Tuesday, Happy Reading.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Jane Eyre Part 2: Things Get Slightly Better Kinda

I told you I would be back! I bet you though I was lying and/or going to back out, but I'm not. I'm totally here. I know, I'm as surprised as you. Alright, let's get down to business.

Chapters 4-5

These were long chapters so, yes, I'm only doing two.

When we left off, the subject of Jane being sent away for school had been brought up and presumably accepted. In chapter 4, Jane is alone. Like, totally alone. A few months have gone by since the subject of school was approached. No one has spoken to Jane very much since then. Christmas has come and gone and Jane has been rejected and excluded from all of the activities. The other children have been instructed to stay away from her. Jane was given her own room, simply to keep her away from the other kids. This is fucking bleak. I just want to remind you all that Jane is 10 and being actively rejected from the only family she has ever known. Poor thing.

At one point that bastard John Reed attempts to chastise Jane, but she lashes out at him, making him
Jane's not fucking around anymore.
think she's going to fight with him again. He runs to his mommy and she tells him, "Don't talk to me about her, John: I told you not go near her; she is not worthy of notice; I do not choose that either you or your sisters should associate with her." Jane totally hears it, too. What a bitch. Jane claps back at her, saying, "They are not fit to associate with me." You tell 'em, Jane, you little spit fire. Love this girl more and more with ever sentence I read. That is intentional on the part of the author, though that doesn't make it any less wonderful. After Jane's comment, Mrs. Reed pulls Jane into the nursery and forces her to sit on the bed, telling her not to move or speak for the rest of the day. Jane asks her what Master Reed would think of all this, were he still alive. Mrs. Reed is shocked by the question, so Jane keeps going. "My uncle Reed is in heaven, and can see all you do and think; and so can papa and mamma: they know how you shut me up all day long, and how you wish me dead." Holy shit. This little girl has got some chutzpah. Also, if you ever want to know how to use a semicolon, read this book. They are fucking everywhere. Mrs. Reed regains her sensibilities and decides the best course of action is to shack Jane aggressively and box her ears. What the fuck? What an awful human being. I'm glad Jane is being sent away. I don't think she'd survive much longer.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I'm Running out of Pithy Titles

No Jane Eyre today, kids.
I'm not quite positive when the post this week is going to happen. I'm hoping for tomorrow, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. If there is not post tomorrow, then it's going to happen Saturday. I can assure you that there WILL BE A POST THIS WEEK. I just don't know when because I'm busy and also lazy. Okay, see you... sometime? Eventually? Whatever.

Until Next Time, Happy Reading.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Jane Eyre Part One: A How-To Guide for Awful Parenting

Told you I'd be back! It's finally time to start our new reading material: Jane Eyre. This classic novel by Charlotte Bronte (still have no idea how to do the double dot over the e thingy, sorry) was published in 1847 under Charlotte's male pseudonym, Currer Bell. She had to pretend to be a man to get published. What utter bullshit. Anyway, let's get to it.

Chapters 1-3

It's important to note that this book is being told as an autobiography. An older Jane is looking back
Book selfie!
and narrating her life. I'll refer to older Jane as Narrator Jane when it is necessary.

Young Jane is sitting inside on a blustery, stormy day. She is glad of the weather, as she doesn't like to take walks. I can relate. Very slowly, she starts to release information about her life to the reader. There are three other children in the house, to whom she feels inferior. There is Eliza, John, and Georgiana Reed. She lives with them and their mother, Mrs. Reed, who is Jane's aunt.

The other three children are currently seated with their mother, excluding Jane. Mrs. Reed keeps Jane at a distance because she is a sullen child. Mrs Reed wants her to, "acquire a more sociable and childlike disposition, a more attractive and sprightly manner," and until she had done so, "she really must exclude me from privileges intended only for contented, happy, little children." How, exactly is Jane supposed to cheer up if she is excluded? How the fuck is that supposed to work? When Jane asks what she has done to deserve this treatment, Mrs. Reed tells her she doesn't like people who ask questions, especially children who ask questions. She basically tells this little girl to shut up and go away. This is her caretaker, mind you. Also, Jane is 10 and both her parents are dead. Fuck you, lady.

Jane goes to a different room to read a book about birds. She sits in a window seat and pulls the curtains around her to read Bewicks's History of British Birds. She doesn't really care for reading it, she enjoys the pictures of the birds. The illustrations are all of exotic birds in far away places. She first mentions the sea-fowl on their "'solitary rocks and promontories' by them only inhabited." This is a direct reference to Jane herself, who is alone. She is abandoned in a desolate place. Sure there are people around, but they are actively cruel to her, as you will soon see.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Here's the Deal...

I am the asshole.
I may have slightly forgot that I have to work this afternoon at my actual job and then I have to spend late tonight writing articles for my writing job, so I won't be making a Jane Eyre post today. After doing the reading, I simply don't have the time to do a write up. Seriously, these take, like, 2 hours to write (I shit you not). However, as I have a shit ton of time off in the afternoon tomorrow (I don't
have to work until 6), I will be posting tomorrow. Cross my heart and hope to die.

I'll see you all here tomorrow for Jane Eyre. The part I read today was really interesting, so I'm looking forward to writing about it. Which means I actually WILL write about it.

Until Tomorrow, Happy Reading.

Monday, January 12, 2015

The Results Are In...

Hello! I'm back from a rather lengthy break. I intended to post a couple of days ago and then shit happened. I was going to post this morning, but I was a bit hungover and cranky, so I'll post now. Okay? Okay. Here we go. 

Thanks to the exactly two people who voted, Mo Holmes and Cody Niday (both super awesome guys), my next reading material with be... the ellipse builds drama... Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte!
Yay for lady time!
Woo! Exciting! It's lady time. Finally,I'll get to read something for you that will involve women who aren't just set dressing or function solely as the source of manpain. Huzzah!

We will begin Jane Eyre on Tuesday (that's right, Tuesday) of this week. That is January 13, 2015. If I write it down enough times I might actually follow through, right? Right. I need to stop answering my own rhetorical questions. It's really late.

TL;DR: Jane Eyre starts Tuesday. Be here, motherfuckers.

Until Tuesday, Happy Reading.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Poll Time!

This has nothing to do with this post, I just really enjoy it.
Okay, kiddos. I need to know your opinion on a thing. It's a pretty simple thing: What do we read next? I have a couple of different options for you. As I did not receive House Of Leaves for Christmas, we will not be reading that quite yet. Maybe later. What I do have is For Whom the Bell Tolls by Earnest Hemmingway, Shada by Douglas Adams, or Jane Eyre by one of the Brontes. I'm going to go with Charlotte, maybe? Just Googled it and it's totally Charlotte Bronte. Fucking nailed it! Anyway, those are our options at the moment. If anyone would like to drop me a comment to let
me know what YOU would be interested in me reading, I would be forever grateful. I will be taking you opinions for the next couple of days (see how I cleverly got out of actually reading?).

Alright, thanks everybody. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Also, if anyone knows how to do that thing where there are two dots over an e, I would appreciate knowing so that I can actually write Bronte correctly. Google Bronte to know what I'm talking about if you don't already.

Until Next Time, Happy Reading.